It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize