I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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