Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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