i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it's great music for shaving your balls
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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