Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
