There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
