Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
