Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
