i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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