i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
