you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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