shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
