You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
