dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
