so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
