i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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