in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
