I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
