I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
