She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
