How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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