I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
