I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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