I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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