I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
