using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
