I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
