I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
