Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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