Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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