You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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