I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
