Someone shit on the floor
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
