OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
