you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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