WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
