The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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