my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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