Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
