I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there's paper in my vomit.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
