I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
