How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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