I've blown a few things in my day
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
