mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
