Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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