i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
