the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Define "chronic" masturbator.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
