Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
