I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
