i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
