omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
