Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
