Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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