well you can't waste a boner
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My apartment stinks of burning failure
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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