I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
