M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
