I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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