I think I died a long time ago.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
