I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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