All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
