Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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