he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
