Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
