i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
