My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
