i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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