Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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