the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
