I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
All I want is dick and wine.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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